Gabriel Byrne

OK - someone has to own up - has telepathy now been invented and no one told me? Did I miss a memo about this? Because, I have to tell you, someone has been inside my head. Someone has been rooting around in there and has discovered my very best, most favouritest Gabriel Byrne-related fantasy. How did this happen?

And no, don't try and pretend you haven't had this same fantasy - or at least, a version of it - in the past! If you hadn't, you probably wouldn't be here.

Imagine yourself on a train. Or, if you prefer, a bus, a ferry or an airplane. But I happen to like trains. Very much.

You look up and catch a glimpse of a handsome stranger, who bears a STRIKING resemblance to Irish actor Gabriel Byrne, who you have had a crush on since you can't remember when.

Slowly he turns to look at you. There is an indefinable sadness in his eyes. He really does look an AWFUL lot like Gabriel Byrne ..

Boldly he returns your scrutiny until you remember yourself (almost gone for a moment there) and look out of the window, or at your newspaper, or fiddle with your phone for a bit. His gaze is almost too intense for you to hold very long.

Good grief, he really is the spit of Gabriel Byrne you know. Could be his twin.

You both get up to leave at the same station (naturally) and you nearly crash headlong into each other in the tiny aisle (naturally) and you make eye-contact again (naturally.)

He speaks to you in a foreign language. This in itself nearly kills you but you manage to remain upright as there really isn't enough room to fall over. Turns out he needs your help. You have begun to realise that you also need something from him ..

So, you follow him. Years and years of being madly in love with the real Gabriel Byrne mean that you have honed your celebrity stalking skills down to a fine art and have no problem locating him. Especially as the help he needed was directions to a place. You just go to that place, right?

Uh-oh. He's spotted you. It takes him a moment to remember where he has seen you before. He is still looking very serious and dapper. He's put on his tie and even tried to comb his less-than-ruly hair.

You are struck by a sudden urge, a very strong urge indeed, to mess with that hair.

But wait! He's coming towards you! Oh dear, are you in trouble now, girl. Hopefully, that is.

Thankfully he is not angry. He takes you for a coffee - a small 'thank you' he says, for managing to get him where he needed to be in time.

And then .. well, let's for the sake of decency say that he then somehow manages to get YOU where YOU need to be, too.

(And, you've been wanting to hug Gabriel Byrne from behind like this ever since you saw the scene in the kitchen from "Smilla's Sense of Snow.")

(I forget what we were talking about here. It may have been football, or perhaps poetry. Seriously, who fuckin' cares.)

By this time you're pretty sure it isn't the real Gabriel Byrne. You're also pretty sure you don't give a damn, because your entire life has changed forever, in the course of an afternoon ..